When it rain....it pours

I am usually pretty upbeat and happy, but man it is tough sometimes. I try to stay positive, but can honestly say I am having a hard time right now. Yesterday was 1 month since the miscarriage. As if that was not hard enough, I started my period. Yet another reminder of what I lost. Father's Day is also coming up which kind of bums me out. I have such an amazing dad and want Jayson to be able to experience that so bad. It seems like there is pregnant ladies and babies everywhere. I could not even get away from it when I was watching the Alaskan Experiment.

In addition to being very emotional and bloated, I find out last night that Dotty is not doing too well. We have had Dotty since she was a puppy. She was our Christmas present from Santa. Brother and I woke up to the most georgous dalmation puppy running around. We got her when I was 12 and brother was 7. She is old and has had a good life. I knew this day was coming soon, but always tried to put the subject out of my mind. It is crazy how much you can love a dog. Yes she was an outside dog (mom would never let her in), but she is part of our family. I remember when brother was not feeling well when he was little and she laid by his side on a pallet in the floor. I could always get her going on "hunting rabbits". I would always try to take her for a walk, but she always ended up walking me. She is spoiled the most by dad. She is a daddy's girl for sure. We will see how she is doing this morning and whatever we do, we will do it as a family. I was over at my parent's last night and could not make myself go back to see her. I just don't know what to do. I have never had to do anything like this before.

Why does life seem so hard sometimes even though you know you are so incredibly blessed. Why do we have to feel this way and feel this heart ache. I am trying. I am trying to stay up instead of down. I am trying to be strong for my family. I wish I knew how to make things better. I wish I knew how to dance in the rain.

"Life is not waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain"
-Unknown