3:30 a.m.

Yup that is what time I woke up and could not go back to sleep. There is a ton of stuff going on right now and I feel overwhelmed. I try to tell myself that is just life, to get over it.

I try but don't do a good job of it.

I worry about brother's hand. Is he really telling the truth when he says it is getting better? Why does he have to go through this? How is Grandma and mom doing today? Does Grandma get bored? I hate that mom and dad hate their job and work so hard. Can I help mom to worry less? What can help them with? Has Jayson talked to his parent's lately? I can't do another day of Dr. Young. Does Jayson really know how much I love him? Does my family really know how much I love them? Do my friends know I care and love them? Why do I have to see bad things happen to amazing people? Why do the pups have runny poo? Are they sick? What can I do to make a stranger smile? Have I made a difference? Will my biggest fear come true? Will I ever have a baby? Why can it be so easy for some? Can you ever fully appreciate something before it is taken away or damaged? No, I really don't think you can. Why do people do some of the things they do? Will it ever get any easier? I know what brings me joy, but has my life brought joy to others? I know it has, but I know there is so much more joy I need to bring to others. How can I bring more joy? Will it ever be enough? I doubt it, I am hard on myself and I know there is always more I can do.



"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure .It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciouslygive other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear,our presence automatically liberates others."-Marianne Williamson