Deep breath!

Okay, for some reason or another this has been a little harder week than normal.  I like my job, I really do!  I love my new area and group.  I am learning so much and super busy.  But I love being a mom and being with Lana!  Maybe it is because I was around some moms that stay home with their kids or work from home this past weekend.  I am not jealous of their situation, because I know even if I did stay at home, it would never be enough time with her.

I try to keep the house somewhat picked up, dogs nails cut, dog poo picked up, make dinner most of the nights Jayson is home, grocery shopping done, laundry folded, etc.  I am in no way complaining, saying I am super-mom, or saying Jayson does not do enough to help me, but I am just going to list some of the things for myself so I can realize that I am doing a good job when I dont feel like I am.  Jayson has never once fed Lana dinner.  If he would do it just once a week so I wouldn't have to get up and down 10 times to check on our dinner while it cooked it would be nice.  He does do the dishes with no hesitation at all.  I am the only one to give Lana a bath every other night.  I do almost all the laundry.  I make the bottles for the next day.  I pack her bag with clothes and snacks.  I will leave the dishwasher for Jayson to put up.  I am the one that cuts both the dogs and Lana's nails.  Jayson has never attempted this.  I don't know if he just leaves it to me because he thinks he can't do it my way or if he just likes having me do it.  He is so great in so many other ways, but slowly things must change.  I understand it would be way different if I did not work and stayed home all day.  But, we both work and we both need to share the house chores.  I feel bad that I get frustrated with him after he has been with Lana all day then I come home and he zones out.  He lets me take care of everything for the evening.  He wonders why when I put her to bed at 9:15, I go straight to the bath and bed.  Well, I dont really sit down or relax the whole day, so I am tired.  I try to stay up with him on Friday's and Saturday's (and sometimes Thursday's) when he is there.  I just need my sleep.  I dont do well the next day without it.  He does such a great job at watching her and taking care of her during the day, so I am in no way complaining about that.  I sometimes feel like there is not enough hours in the day to get everything done.  I think it is good that I work and I am so thankful for the financial security that it provides us.  I think that helps make our marriage stronger and we are able to give Lana (and hopefully the rest of our children in the year's to come) the life we want to give them.  I am so thankful for my husband, both our jobs, our families, our home, our dogs, and Lana.  It is hard though because even though I work, I still have to do all the wife stuff and house stuff and family stuff and mom stuff, but with just less hours in the day.  I have to be organized.  I sometimes wish I had more time for lunch with friends, visiting family, sewing, working out, but it is so worth everything to see just one smile on Lana's face.  It is like she is telling me "thank you mommy for working so hard" and in that moment, I realize everything is perfect!