Week 6

Growing like crazy, baby is starting to sprout eyes, ears, nose, cheeks and chin. Those little hands and feet - still webbed like paddles - might wiggle by week's end, the heart is beating (almost twice as fast as yours!), and blood is starting to circulate.

I can't believe I am already in week 6. It goes fast, but not fast enough. It is hard right now becuase I want to tell our parents so bad! Jayson wants to wait until after we go to the doctor on November 4. I can kindof understand where he is coming from, but I feel like I have this huge secret that we are keeping from our parents. I don't keep anything from my mom. Nothing, nada, zilch, so this is so hard! I know it will be neat to give them a picture of the ultrasound and be able to say how fast the heart is beating. November 4 can not get here soon enough!

I am trying to not worry, but it is so hard! I have to take the occasional test every now and then just to make sure and calm my worries. I wish I could be naive and not worry, but I think that anyone that had a miscarriage understands. I wish I could be confident and get really excited. I just can't. I catch myself thinking things like

*I should be due around grandma's birthday...if everything works out.

*I might have a belly around Christmas...if everything works out.

*I wonder if I will have to have my dress altered for Itz's wedding on January 18.

No matter what happens, I am pregnant today and will love this baby. I have such a wonderful husband and I am so thankful for that. I know that he is having a hard time being too excited as well. It is also different for guys. I don't think it is really "real" to him yet. Heck it is not really real to me yet. Sure I have been really tired (and Jayson says it is just in my head) and my boobs feel huge, but that is all. I almost wish for morning sickness just to know that I am really pregnant. It will all work out. Thank you God for this baby.