Jayson was working, so I went to my parents for dinner. It was a good relaxing night. I had some brown spotting again that night and tried to remember what the nurse had said, "brown is normal."
I woke up about 2:00 a.m to have the usual bathroom break. I knew what was happening. There was no mistaking it. I was completely crushed, heartbroken, and felt so alone. It was a hard night. I could not go back to sleep, so I spent the night praying and crying. It is crazy the heart ache you can feel for something you never seen, heard, or held.
I know it is not my fault, but you can't help but think why. I feel like Jayson and I have been so patient and responsible. We are ready for this. We want to be parents and shower them with the love and support we have seen from our familes.
It is hard. The night was rough, telling Jayson when he came in from work was worse. I felt so sorry having to tell him that my body did not handle our baby. I can't ask for a better husband. He was so caring, willing to listen, and just hold me. Jayson does not show his emotions and how much he cares too well. He keeps that hidden most of the time. But, I know how he feels. I know how much he loves me.
Throughout the night, I just kept repeating the line of the song Firm Foundation "God has a plan for me..." over and over. I know this is so true. God does have a plan and it is a perfect plan. It is not always my plan, but it is His. I know He will get us though this and we will grow even closer together because of it.
Firm Foundation
Jesus, you're my firm foundation
I know I can stand secure
Jesus, you're my firm foundation
I put my hope in your holy word
I put my hope in your holy word
I have a living hope ( I have a living hope )
I have a future ( I have a future )
God has a plan for me ( God has a plan for me )
Of this I'm sure, of this I'm sure
Your word is faithful ( You're word is faithful )
Mighty in power ( Mighty in power )
God will deliver me ( God will deliver me )
Of this I'm sure, of this I'm sure
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